508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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