yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
