Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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