Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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