Christians are straight up FREAKS
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
