i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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