If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
worst night to have a conscience
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
