Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im holly from the hills drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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