Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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