let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
