Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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