so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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