I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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