did you get engaged???
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
