he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
