I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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