five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
