I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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