I heard we made out
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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