my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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