I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
