rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
