even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
