I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
