Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
