i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
