I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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