What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
