My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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