why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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