I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
