Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
