Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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