I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
