i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got inside last night via doggy door
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
