Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want nice things and good sex
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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