i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
