So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
