how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
