Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
