the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
