How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
