Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
