The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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