Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
