I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
