The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
