I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
