there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
