i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
