Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
