I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
