I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
