I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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