i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
