If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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