so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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