dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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