and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
